I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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