Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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