please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
