doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
