I have demons in me.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Randomize
