there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
