I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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