Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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