and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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