I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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