If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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