Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
