Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
My vagina just clenched in fear
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
