Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
