Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I have tasted many bathrooms
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
