when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
