Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Randomize
