Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
