What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
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