Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I am puke
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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