i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
