i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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