I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
i think i just lost a toe
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
