Im at strip club and am horny
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
