some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
whose ass print is on the piano?
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
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