Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
