So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
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