I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
