U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
