OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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