Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
