No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Randomize
