I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Randomize
