she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
