My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
