You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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