if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Randomize
