Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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