that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
