If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
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