im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
