K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
