I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
