I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
