Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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