I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
