you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
