hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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