How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
