i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
