i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
