Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
